...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
