WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
