He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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