And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
