Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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