i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize