Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
