those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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