I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
