I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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