he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just found puke in my bra..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
