I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
