A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
