How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize