Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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