3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
