were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize