so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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