He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
