I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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