I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
