you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
