he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
