woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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