the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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