youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
