Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
