Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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