I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
