i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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