mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Two words: nipple clamps
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