took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
