everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
