My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize