once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
