I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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