I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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