Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
