I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
