Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
