Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
