You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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