somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
