It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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