I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
