His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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