I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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