Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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