no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
