yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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