we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
