Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
