I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
