Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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