This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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