So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
