Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
