why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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