All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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