he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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