I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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