Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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