Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
