My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
