New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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