Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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