I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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