that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Never joke about your clitoris.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
