dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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