i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
