I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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