Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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