you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
