whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
