I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
