The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
