Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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