I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize