it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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