what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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